Electric pylon gunslinger, watching the sunset.

– Job

Only Messing

Harold longed to insult his boss. He really did. Tell preening Paul what he really thought of him. Use all his bad words. The ones mother wouldn’t allow.

But he couldn’t. Instead he hid inside his fleshy shell.

One day there’ll be a revolution, he thought, and people like me will rise. Then I’ll grab my boss by his hipster beard and throw him off the building. Or a cliff. Whichever is closer. 

Paul continued his endless tongue tirade. Laughing. In front of the the whole office. They laughed too. What else could they do?

‘Does your mammy still buy your clothes for you Harold?’


Harold lied.

He lied a lot.

‘Only messing Harold. You’re great fun you are.’ Paul said.

Harold sipped his tepid tea and returned to work.

Tea-break was over.

Sitting back to his desk he whispered a silent curse while the office continued to laugh.


The Spy Who Taught Me


LIONEL STEELE (35) stands at the top of his class. He is plain looking, chubby and shabbily dressed. It is a classroom of Russian students. They stare at him, waiting for him to begin the MATHEMATICS lecture. Time passes slowly. LIONEL is frozen. He has forgotten what to say. An attractive young woman at the front raises her hand. She smiles. She knows she is beautiful. 


Sorry. What’s your question? 


Are you a British spy?

LIONEL (obviously flustered)



We’ve all been wondering, are you a spy? You remind us of Mister James Bond. 

(The class laughs.)

LIONEL (Trying to distract. He can’t believe he’s been found out so quickly)

What’s your name?


My name is Alyona. (She flicks her long dark hair over her shoulder)


No Alyona. I am not a spy. Not everyone from the West is here to spy on Mother Russia. My wife and son are Russian. 


I suppose we’ll have to take your word for it. But we’re watching you. 

(She smiles showing shark like teeth) 


OK. Let’s start with some simple algebraic equations…

                        LIONEL STEELE WILL RETURN…